I'm cancelling my plans for NYE. I know I was really looking forward to being out with A and J but it turns out that they don't actually want to be there and would rather be out all night with others. I honestly thought it could just be the three of us, best friends since the start of high school, together, you know? Like we always said we would be. Turns out it wasn't true. I know neither of them have actually said anything but I can tell through their actions and I'm not gonna force them to be seen in public with a fat ugly thing like me, they do have a good reputation to hold up and I'm just a mess.
I don't deserve to be happy and out with my friends, not when I can't even keep food away, not when I'm sitting here crying cause I'm some sick, sad, lonely, weak bitch. I don't deserve any of that. It's right for it all to be taken away.
Today was about 900 calories. Good. I was under.
Fuck, I'm pathetic. I hate myself. Gonna cry myself to sleep now.
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