Why are clothes not cheaper? I found a really nice skirt and a pair of skorts that I wanted to buy, and I've been dying for a pair of skorts, but they were both too expensive. I did end up with one skirt though, and it's quite nice - plus I should be doing some vintage/op shopping with my friend K in another week or two. Also, I went to get weighed today. I hate that the scale in the office adds about another 2 lbs to my body, it makes me feel so bloody disgusting. Sometimes, I don't even know why I continue to bother buying nice clothes, dressing up and read all of these fashion magazines - it's aspirational, yes, but I keep feeling like I'm never going to make it there.
Today I ate:
- One Herbalife Shake (130 cal)
-Two Sushi Rolls (304 cal each) Holy Crap. Are you serious!? My favourite food just got destroyed, wish I could just rip it out of my stomach now.
And a half bowl of rice and soup (Water, Lettuce and a bit of salt - no oil).
This is getting pathetic. Overall I've probably had a good 1000 calories today, I know it's less than my required 1200 calories but I was hoping to be under today.
I'm ashamed of myself. Why do I eat so much when I want to be thin? Why do I know how fat I am, feel how fat I am and continue to mentally torture myself with my Depression and EDNOS (Now EDNOS, Ana back in the days) but physically still eat so bloody much? Sometimes I feel like I should just close my PT account, why do I even have a PT account when everyone is so much more beautiful and thinner than me?
Why? Why?
Why?
everyone is not thinner than you dear. i am a lot bigger but just so you know, you have everyone's support, mine included! you can do this! stay strong, and stay beautiful.
ReplyDeletesteph
Thank you so much. I'm trying very hard to stay strong, not give in to high calorie foods and to be the best I can be. 2011 is going to be the year I become beautiful. Thanks again for your kind words, they mean so much to me!
ReplyDelete